Halsey revealed that they sometimes wonder if they ‘chose the wrong life’ after admitting they feel a ‘deep sadness’.
“I often find that there is a deep sadness in me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, a void,” the singer – who uses pronouns – wrote on their Instagram Story on Wednesday.
“I often wonder if I chose the wrong life for myself,” they added atop a photo of burning candles. “And the weight of it is suffocating. I am sorry that melancholy has invaded my art in a way that has served no greater purpose than my own self-loathing.
They continued: “I am approaching my 28th birthday in a week and am now exhaling and gasping for the first time since I took a single breath into this new life at 18. A breath that was meant to sustain me for ten years. ”
The “Closer” singer went on to say they feel like they’re “wandering around lawlessly,” but hope to find meaning in their lives soon through music.
“If you can’t be nice, at least be gentle,” they concluded, adding, “with love 🤍.”
Halsey has always been open about their battle with bipolar disorder after they attempted suicide and were admitted to a psychiatric hospital at age 17.
“I’ve been committed twice since then” [I became] Halsey, and nobody knows about it. But I’m not ashamed to talk about it now,” the singer told Rolling Stone in 2019 about their ongoing battle.
“It was my choice. I said to [my manager]”Hey, I’m not going to do anything bad right now, but I’m getting to the point where I’m afraid I will, so I have to go figure this out.” It’s still happening in my body. I just know when to face it.”
Not only has the “Without Me” singer been dealing with their mental health in recent years, but they have been diagnosed with a host of other health issues as well.
In May, Halsey revealed they had been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Sjögren’s syndrome, mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) after a series of hospitalizations.
“I’ve been looking for answers to the cause of some of these things, which can be an autoimmune disease. And I know I’ve had autoimmune problems for most of my life, especially with endometriosis,” Halsey told fans on Instagram, adding that they “don’t want anyone to worry.”